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Forming Spiritual Base Communities |
Methods for Reconciliation :::
When we have those first intimations of differences, discontent,
dissension, or resentment, we must honor them. We must not discard
them as mean, petty, or shameful. These are messages telling us
something is awry, and we must look at it.
If we cannot resolve the difficulty alone, and if it keeps troubling us,
then it is time to share it with a trusted other, to try to clarify our
perceptions. This means we want to look at an unpleasant, possibly
unwelcome perception; we do not want to act on it. (Everyone in a
group has the potential for becoming such an “other,” a non-judgmental
person.)
After the difficulty is thus seasoned, and if we feel it is necessary
to carry it to the person or persons with whom we have it, this should
be done with “carefronting,” respecting both the giver and the receiver.
Usually it is helpful to have a third person present when an unwelcome
truth is communicated, enabling the conflicting parties to listen deeply
to one another.
If the conflict cannot be resolved by these means, the next step can
be to have the mediator meet separately with the conflicting parties,
interpreting each to the other. Thich Nhat Hanh, the Vietnamese Zen
master and peacemaker, offers us this prescription:
“Reconciliation is to understand both sides, to go to one
side and describe the suffering being endured by the other
side, and then to the other side, and describe the suffering
being endured by the first side.”
Ultimately, it is to be hoped, the two parties can acknowledge their
contributions to the conflict, resolve their differences, and emerge more
loving and bonded than before. If this does not happen, then they
probably must separate and work individually to forgive and
understand the other and themselves.
Conflict resolution, reconciliation, may be the most important
focus of our fledgling communities, and the most difficult one. But we,
who would be part of this remarkable enterprise — peace — are
essentially risk-takers and know that if we share openly with one
another and recognize that change and flexibility are our strengths, not
our weaknesses, we will move on to new and more compassionate
ways of being.